Harnessing the Power of Feedback at Work: A Behavioral Approach

By Erin Merideth

Feedback at work can be a minefield. How often have you walked out of a meeting frustrated, wondering why no one seemed to understand each other? Simple conversations about performance can quickly escalate into misunderstandings or even conflict. But why? Why is feedback essential to personal and professional growth so challenging to get right?

Performance Review Case Study

It's performance review time, and Emma, a marketing analyst, walks into her manager's office feeling a mix of anxiety and hope. She has worked hard over the past six months, juggling multiple projects and staying late to meet deadlines. Emma expects recognition for her efforts and possibly a discussion about career advancement. However, the conversation takes an unexpected turn.

Her manager, David, begins by listing several areas where Emma's work did not meet expectations: she missed deadlines on two projects, and a client presentation received mixed feedback. Emma's expression falls as she listens. Although David eventually acknowledges some of her accomplishments, Emma has already started to tune out. She nods politely but leaves the meeting feeling demotivated and unsure how to improve. The praise she anticipated feels like an afterthought, overshadowed by the criticism.

This scenario is familiar: conversations intended to promote growth and improvement often do the opposite. Misaligned expectations, ineffective communication, and conditioned responses can transform feedback into a source of frustration rather than a catalyst for development.

As a coach and advisor working with leaders and employees during performance review cycles, I have witnessed the complexities of providing and receiving feedback. Both leaders and team members often experience anxiety and frustration, frequently leaving feedback conversations feeling misunderstood or demotivated. You are not alone; there are valid reasons why performance reviews and feedback can be challenging. Ingrained behavioral patterns and the weight of past experiences deeply influence our reactions to feedback.

In this blog, I aim to share valuable insights and practical strategies designed to help you break through these barriers. By doing so, we can foster an environment rich in growth, trust, and collaboration within your organization. Join me as we explore how to transform feedback into a powerful catalyst for development rather than a source of stress and frustration.

The Hidden Challenges of Giving and Receiving Feedback

Let's begin by addressing the core question: why does giving and receiving feedback often feel uncomfortable?

Behavioral psychology tells us that reinforcement patterns throughout our lives shape our feedback habits. Every interaction we've had—whether with parents, teachers, or past managers—has conditioned us to respond to feedback in a specific way. When you enter the workplace, you bring all these learned behaviors. And so do your colleagues.

For example, if you've been in a workplace where feedback was only critical and rarely constructive, you might automatically brace for the worst whenever someone says, "We need to talk." Conversely, if giving feedback in the past led to uncomfortable outcomes, like defensiveness or conflict, you may now avoid those conversations altogether.

This deep conditioning creates barriers that make feedback feel emotionally loaded and stressful for everyone involved.

Why We Avoid Negative Feedback: The Science Behind It

One of the most common obstacles to effective feedback is the tendency to avoid negative stimuli—in this case, uncomfortable conversations. This avoidance is a protective mechanism wired into our brains to shield us from perceived threats.

Imagine you're a team leader who needs to tell an employee, Chris, that their recent report didn't meet expectations. If your past experiences with similar conversations led to tears, defensiveness, or conflict, your brain will likely perceive this situation as a threat. The result? You might delay the conversation, soften your message too much, or avoid it altogether.

Unfortunately, avoidance creates a vicious cycle. Chris doesn't get the opportunity to improve, the work continues to miss the mark, and the team's performance suffers. Breaking this cycle requires building both emotional resilience and practical communication skills.

How We’re Conditioned to React to Feedback (and How to Change It)

Conditioned responses are automatic reactions that occur when someone receives feedback. These responses are often deeply ingrained and can be triggered by specific phrases, tones, or body language.

For example, if your manager starts a conversation with, "Let's discuss your performance on the last project," your immediate reaction might be anxiety. Your heart may race, or your mind may start crafting defenses—especially if your past feedback experiences have been negative. This reaction stems from your brain associating feedback with criticism and judgment rather than an opportunity for growth.

Similarly, poorly delivered feedback can trigger defensive behaviors. Suppose a manager provides team feedback by focusing only on flaws without acknowledging strengths. Even if the input is valid, the tone can make employees shut down or disengage, making it harder for them to process and act on the feedback.

Loss Aversion: Why Feedback Feels Like a Threat

Loss aversion also explains why employees may become defensive when receiving feedback. They may interpret even constructive criticism as a loss of status or credibility, making them more likely to shut down or push back.

For example, imagine a manager telling their team, "We need to discuss performance issues on the last project." Employees may instantly worry about potential criticism rather than viewing the conversation as an opportunity for growth—this perception of feedback as a threat can undermine trust and reduce engagement.

The Role of Unclear Feedback in Workplace Growth

Ambiguous reinforcement occurs when a company sends mixed messages about feedback. For instance, a company may publicly promote a culture of open feedback but then subtly punish employees who share honest opinions. This inconsistency creates confusion and erodes trust.

Consider Maria, an employee who suggests improvements during a team meeting. If her manager dismisses her idea with, "Let's stick to what we've always done," Maria may feel discouraged from speaking up again. Over time, she—and others who observe the interaction—may stop offering feedback altogether.

Organizations need to align their words with actions to foster a healthy feedback culture. This means rewarding employees who contribute ideas and creating an environment where constructive feedback is genuinely welcomed.

How to Make Giving and Receiving Feedback Easier

The good news is that feedback habits can be reshaped through reinforcement and psychological safety. Here are practical strategies to improve both giving and receiving feedback.

1. Reward the Process, Not Just the Outcome

Encourage open dialogue by reinforcing feedback behaviors, even if the feedback isn't perfect. For example, thank employees who contributed their thoughts after a team meeting, regardless of whether you fully agree with them. This helps build a culture where feedback is normalized and valued.

2. Create Psychological Safety

People need to feel safe to engage in difficult conversations. Leaders play a crucial role in fostering this safety by modeling vulnerability and providing constructive feedback. For instance, a manager might ask, "I'd love your thoughts on how I handled the last project. What could I have done differently?" By inviting feedback, leaders demonstrate that criticism is not something to fear but a tool for growth.

3. Provide Immediate and Specific Feedback

Behavioral psychology emphasizes that feedback is most effective when it's timely and specific. If you notice an employee excelling in a task, acknowledge it on the spot: "You did a great job de-escalating that client situation today." Delaying feedback reduces its impact as the emotional connection to the event fades over time.

4. Reframe Feedback as a Growth Opportunity

Feedback is often seen as a retrospective critique. To shift this mindset, focus on future-oriented feedback, known as "feedforward." Instead of saying, "You missed the deadline," try, "What strategies can we implement to ensure we meet deadlines moving forward?" This approach emphasizes learning and improvement.

Understanding Reinforcement Patterns and Workplace Feedback

Behavioral reinforcement is a powerful tool in shaping workplace habits. You can gradually reshape how your team interacts by rewarding desired behaviors—such as giving and receiving feedback. Here are some examples of positive reinforcement in action:

• Recognizing employees who share constructive input in meetings.
• Celebrating improvements that result from feedback implementation.
• Encouraging team members to provide feedback to one another regularly.

These practices help establish feedback as a core part of your organization's culture.

Rethinking Feedback: A New Approach for Growth

At its core, workplace feedback is not just about words; it's about behavior. Every piece of feedback is influenced by the reinforcement patterns we've experienced throughout our lives. Understanding this helps us break unhelpful cycles and create environments where feedback is more straightforward to give, receive, and act upon.

So, here's a challenge: reflect on your feedback habits. Are you avoiding specific conversations because of past experiences? Are you reinforcing the right behaviors in your team or sending mixed signals? And most importantly, how can you focus less on diagnosing past performance and more on designing a better future?

By addressing these questions, you can build a feedback culture that supports growth, trust, and success—for yourself and your organization.

Additional Resources

Here are some additional resources to help you deepen your understanding of feedback and performance conversations:

Radical Candor by Kim Scott

A book and framework on how to give direct, honest feedback while maintaining strong relationships. Learn more at Radical Candor.

The Science of Giving Effective Feedback (Harvard Business Review) 

A practical article exploring research-backed techniques for delivering feedback that motivates and improves performance. Read here: HBR Effective Feedback

The Fearless Organization by Amy C. Edmondson

This book explores psychological safety and how creating a safe environment enhances feedback and innovation. Visit Amy Edmondson's website for more details.

TED Talk: Why We All Need to Practice Emotional First Aid by Guy Winch

An inspiring talk that discusses emotional resilience and the importance of managing negative responses—critical for feedback conversations. Watch on TED.

Loss Aversion and Decision Making (Kahneman & Tversky Research)

This foundational research explains how loss aversion affects decision-making and feedback reactions. Learn more via the Nobel Prize Organization.

These resources provide different perspectives, from scientific research to practical tools, helping you master feedback dynamics in the workplace.

With the right mindset and strategies, feedback doesn't have to be a dreaded experience. Instead, it can become a powerful catalyst for growth, collaboration, and innovation.

 Join the Unlearning Work Community: A Supportive Space for Growth

Career advancement thrives in a non-judgmental, supportive space where you can give and receive feedback, share insights, and connect with like-minded professionals. Take the next step in your journey by joining a community that values collaboration and real conversations about success.

📢 Elevate your career with the power of shared learning and support!
👉 Join the Conversation Today

Stay connected with Erin and Unlearning Work! Subscribe to the Work Reimagined Newsletter for updates, follow Unlearning Work on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIN, and listen to the NEW Unlearning Work Podcast on Unlearningwork.com, or Spotify and Apple Podcasts. Don’t forget to subscribe to our YouTube Channel for monthly videos packed with career and leadership insights!

Related Media: 
Navigating Workplace Toxicity: Erin Merideth Of Unlearning Work On Strategies for a Healthier Work Environment
The Post-Pandemic Office: How To Win Employees Back, Forbes